One of the purposes of listening is to respect each other’s thoughts and opinions. Effective listening can also prevent conflicts and confusion in all aspects of one’s relationships. We were created by God to enjoy language and the ability to speak words. Our bodies were created with vocal cords that allow us to communicate with God in prayer as well as with other human beings. Know that God created us, so we can express ourselves and receive a wealth of knowledge from others.
Listening is one of the ways we express ourselves and receive knowledge from others. When we listen, we “pay attention to sound…hear something with thoughtful attention…and…give consideration.” Listening is more than hearing sounds. According to clinical psychologist Kevin Gilliland, PsyD, listening is three-dimensional, and “[p]eople that excel at work, or in marriage or friendships, are ones that have honed their ability to listen.” 1
Most of us think of ourselves as good listeners. After all, there’s really no reason for us to think otherwise. But even good listeners run into problems listening effectively, from time to time.
Let’s look at the key hindrances to effective listening.
Being on the defensive
Imagine you walk into your bank and you ask to see the manager. The secretary shows you into the manager’s office and you take a seat. You begin to tell the manager that you want to move your account from that branch to another branch because you have a new job out of town and the new branch would be closer to it. The manager immediately responds that given your poor credit score, you will not get better lending or deposit rates anywhere else; so you’d be making a mistake to move your account. Clearly, the manager did not listen to your reasons. The manager’s defensive position about their branch may have prevented them from hearing your reason and responding in a professional and sensible manner. When we are defensive, a quick response is usually based on our beliefs and opinions, not what we heard.
Multitasking
Multitasking seems to be a part of most lifestyles today. The number of tasks we attempt to carry on in a single hour is extraordinary compared to just a few years ago. Think about all the things you might do in one hour of your day. When did it become normal to be involved in so many things? No time is sacred, it seems, not mealtimes, not family time, not church time, not rest time. We are consumed with daily processing a lot of information. What happened to the days when businesses would close on Sunday? What happened to the days when everyone had family time and rested at home? Today, our life consists of executing numerous events at once — “chatting” on one’s cell phone while listening to music, searching the Internet, posting to social media, and talking in-person to the people in our house. Can you truly listen effectively and receive quality information from all these different dynamics? There are numerous articles on the Internet that explain the disadvantages of multitasking which is a major hindrance to effective listening.
Sex stereotypes
I will never forget hearing in a class at my church that the average female speaks more words per day than the average male. It seems the teacher was repeating “the assertion of several self-help and popular science books”2 that claimed women use an average of 20,000 words a day, compared to a mere 7,000 words by men. The problem with belief of this stereotype is that men and women may fail to listen effectively to one another.
Habit of interrupting
The habit of interrupting persons as they speak is not only an example of poor manners, it may also cause the person who interrupts to develop heart disease. Wow, all these years, I did not know that our inability to listen can impact the condition of our health and heart. “So what is this mystery heart attack trigger? People who interrupt conversations, and excessively compete for attention are at greater risk for heart problems, according to several university studies. One study at Duke University found that people who interrupt are seven times more likely to get heart disease.”3 I hope you will reflect on this information and carefully evaluate how you listen. Keep in mind, practice of respect for others as a listener in your conversations may lead to good health.
Conclusion
We all have the capacity to be effective listeners. However, being on the defensive, multitasking while we’re speaking to someone, judging the value of a conversation by the sex of the other person, and constantly interrupting the speaker are all bad habits that hinder effective listening and communication, and may even endanger our health. Take the opportunity to reflect and understand these obstacles of effective listening, because what we decide to change will help us grow in ways that we cannot even imagine. Remain open and learn to value each other’s words. Stay tuned for my next blog on Effective Listening.
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